The Billy Goat Dilemma

Two mothers are waiting in the hallway to pick their kids up at pre-school.

Karen: I wanted to talk to you about the kids’ shareformance next week. I was talking to Megan and, since our three are going to be the three Billy goats, we were thinking of trying to coordinate costumes.

Margaret: Yeah?

Karen: Well, what we were thinking is that we didn’t want it to end up that, you know, that the kids would get upset if one of the other Billy goats had a fancy costume and they didn’t, you know.

Margaret: huh. Well, I’ve already made Sissy’s costume.

Karen: Well, we were just thinking of coordinating so that it didn’t get to be a big deal. I guess we just didn’t want there to be a difference, you know, in the quality of the costume. We didn’t want any of the kids to feel bad about it.

Margaret: Oh, sure. Well, no. Nobody should feel bad about their costumes. I made one for Sissy already, but it’s pretty simple.

Karen: Like what?

Margaret: I just took one of her old sweatshirts and sewed some ears onto the hood, put a little tail on it.

Karen: Well, we were sort of thinking that, since we’re not all equally good at stuff like that, that we would just do something like make ears out of a paper bag or something.

Margaret: uhuh. That would work. It’s just that I’ve already made the costume. It’s pretty simple. It didn’t take too long to do. I found a couple horns to put on the hood. It’s fairly low key.

Karen: well. It’s just..Oh, the kids are coming out here. Maybe I can call you and we can talk about it later. It’s just that it would be nice to coordinate costumes.

Margaret: uhuh

Karen: see, we were thinking that paper bags would be easy.

Margaret: uhuh.

Karen: and that way all the kids would be wearing the same things

Margaret: uhuh.

Karen: you know how kids are

Margaret: hmm. So, what you’re saying is that you want me to throw away the work that I put into this so that my daughter can wear a paper bag on her head?

Karen: Well, the idea was that the three Billy goats would all have matching costumes.

Margaret: So you’re saying that I should send my daughter the message that she should constantly compare what she’s wearing to what the other kids are wearing, and that her goal, as a girl, is to never stick out?

Karen: I mean, it’s just that the paper bags. That’s something we could all do.

Margaret: So you’re saying that I should forget about teaching my daughter to do her best in everything she puts her hand to, that she should tone down her abilities to match the abilities of the other kids in her classes?

Karen: No. No. That’s not what I’m saying. I’m just worried that the other girls will be upset if there’s a huge difference in their costumes.

Margaret: Well, I don’t know what to say.

Karen: Perhaps we could --

Margaret : -- I just know that when Sissy’s in third grade, I’m NOT going to ask her to throw the spelling test to make the kid behind her feel better about herself. When she’s in high school, I’m NOT going to ask her to date a dorky guy just because all her friends are dating similar kinds of dorky guys. And when she’s in college, I’m NOT going to ask her to be half-assed about writing her research papers just because all the other kids are doing half-assed papers. I’m sorry. I am NOT going to ask my daughter to wear a paper bag over her head just because you can’t get your shit together long enough to make your own kid a goddamn decent costume. I would suggest that you either take sewing lessons or teach your daughter to spend less time worrying about what everyone else is doing.

The classroom door opens and both mothers hasten to paste smiles on their faces. Sissy! What’d you learn today?

Karen: Hi there, cutie. Oh, Julie, what happened to your dress? Did you spill juice?

Margaret: ok Sissy, say goodbye to Julie. We’ve got places to go, things to do.

Karen: Well, I’ll call you later Margaret, and we can figure out what to do about costumes.

Blackout