I am drinking a bottle of beer. The label on it reads, “Always Enjoy Responsibly,” with the first letter of each word capitalized. I’m slightly over the edge of tipsy and it’s reading true to me, now. Each word is capitalized for a reason.
Always. That means: be consistent. That means: there’s a life history there that needs to be accounted for. That means: you know you always go overboard with this stuff, dammit. Learn the fucking lesson already.
Enjoy. That means: there’s a fine, orgasmic line between enjoyment and terror. Enjoyment is when you’re engaged and having a good time. Terror lies just beyond that, when the enjoyment is gone and all that’s left is this uncontrollable ride from which you cannot get off.
Responsibly. That means: Watch Out, because what’s coming up next is gonna knock you on your ass. It means that wild careening at the end of Snow Hill is going to have Ethan Frome-like consequences. It means that someone – probably you - will end up paralyzed with bitterness and pain.
Yes. I’m drinking the beer and thinking about how beer tastes like a mixture of semen and water and bread. In my mind, semen is equated with ego, water with mindless work, and bread with warmth. It’s idiosyncratic, I know, but there it is. It makes me think about how I’m being fucked.
I’m thinking about how I want to quit my job because I’m not having a good time anymore. It’s turning into a bad trip. I want to bail. I can’t even remember why I used to think it was fun.
I tell my husband this over my fourth beer and he says, “You’re so predictable. You’re just getting burnt out, that’s all. Think it over for awhile.”
That brings me back to Always. I’m just going in circles here.
2 comments:
This is a good one Val, I can see this one playing out in a dark basement bar, smoke-filled or maybe just dim, i think this scene made into a movie definitely needs smoke.
It's good Val, movie definitely need this smoke.
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