Poke You In The Eye With It. My Shadow, That Is.

I had broken the spell of the man’s obession with my shadow. Travis stood now, crestfallen, against the brick and mortar tavern. A flourescent Budweiser light flickered behind the darkened glass at his shoulder.

“Susan,” he muttered, “Susan Whist.”

“We’ve all got our dark sides. I’m no different from anyone else,” I said.

The chocolate brown t-shirt he wore would have blended with his skin had it not been for the fresh stains of moisture beneath the collar. He spit once, now, but without the energy to expell the gob forcefully, it dribbled down his chin. I watched it slip into the shadows of his jawline.

My friend Bill emerged for a cigarette, noticing us as he cupped the lighter in his hand. “Everything ok out here, Susan?” he asked, with a wary edge to his voice.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Yeah, I think so.” Travis mimicked me. “Sho’ nuff, Bill. Everything be jess’ fine.”

“He givin’ you a hard time, Susan?”

“Naw. It’s ok.”

“’Cuz if he is, I can take care of him for you.”

Travis spit again, leaning over his belly this time, to spatter the pavement. “Watcha think, Susan? Black man can be dangerous once ya take the malt liquor outa his hands.”

He stared me straight in the eye now. Hurt. Defensive.

“Go on Susan, you know all ‘bout black men, don’t you? Why don’t you tell Bill here what all you know about black men?”

“I don’t know anything about black men, Travis.” I shrunk away from him, wishing Bill would go back inside. “Bill’s got better things to do.”

Exhaling, Bill flicked his cigarette into the gutter. “Susan, c’mon inside with me. I’ll buy you a beer.”

Travis slid heavily against the wall, intentionally blocking the windowless door. “How’s that commercial go? Love the shade you got? Not so hot.”

“Travis, just leave it alone. It’s nobody’s business but yours and mine.”

“That’s right. But tell me, Susan, what is it that you don’t want Bill here to know? That you like to dick-tease black men? Or that you’re a goddamn racist whore?”

“Allright, that’s enough. Susan, c’mon inside.”

“Shut up, Travis. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Susan. Inside. Now.”

Bill made as if to nudge Travis aside, but Travis had already stepped away. He walked purposefully into the street, despite approaching cars, and began to weave back and forth, as if he could not make up his mind to stay or go.

“Travis. Get outa the street!” I called, “The light’s green, dammit. Let those cars go!”

But Travis planted his feet wide, ignoring the cars that edged up cautiously behind him. The sound of automatic locks being flipped was audible.

“I’ll go, Susan, soon as you tell Bill and me why you ‘don’t feel right’ about bringing a black man home to your mama.”

“Travis.”

“Go ‘head, Susan. Tell us.”

“Fuckin’ A, Travis.”

“We’re listening.” Travis shrugged his shoulders. “You waiting for them to roll their windows down too?” He asked, gesturing towards the cars, “Want me to axe ‘em to roll their windows down so they can hear?”

Bill lit another cigarette. His moment to come to the rescue had passed for the time being.

“You fuck. Fine. You wanna fucking know why? Fine. It’s not your goddamn skin color, that’s for sure.”

“Ok Susan, it’s the dick isn’t it? You afraid I’m gonna poke your mama in the eye with it?”

“Travis, I’m not bringin’ anyone home who can’t pronouce the fucking word ‘library.’ It’s not your goddamn skin color; it’s the shadow it casts. So don’t you goddamn get off callin’ me a racist whore. If you goddamn call me anything, you call me a classist ho, you mysogynistic fuck. And if you don’t goddamn know what that means, why don’t you go fuckin’ axe ‘em at the liberry.”

“C’mon Susan. Let’s go inside.” Bill took me by the shoulders and swiveled me towards the door.

From the street, Travis laughed, “My shadow, huh? Whaddya think, lady, you scared of my shadow too?” He drew his arms up above his head like a rearing bear and advanced toward the waiting car. The woman behind the wheel took fright and stepped on the gas, cutting across the curb in her haste to get away.

Travis chuckled as he swaggered away, “Shit, Susan. I’m scared of your shadow too.”