my son

Tell me my son, why are you here?

Girl troubles Father, girl troubles.

So tell me my son, what are your troubles?

Fuck me Father, where do I start.

Well my son, you said you had girl problems, what are the roots of yours problems?

Troubles Father, I have Troubles, that’s a different story than problems.

You’re right my son, tell me of your troubles.

I’ll tell them to you Father, let’s sort this out together. Fuck me, I haven’t been to confession in ten years, but I can’t sort this out on my own, what can you do for me?

I can show you what you already know. I can lift the veil of confusion.

Father forgive me, but you have to understand my skepticism. I haven’t been to the church in ten years, but Father, I have read the newspapers in the interim. I understand about things, and about sins that the church has committed, but Father, I don’t condemn you, if your conscious is clear, that’s good enough for me.

Go ahead my Son.

Well Father, like I said, girl troubles. You see, I’m in love. Enamored, I have this crush. And it leaves me at a loss.

Some would say that this isn’t a trouble at all, more of a joyous occasion.

Not me Father. Don’t get me wrong, I love women, I love the way they smell and the way they smile, but I love women Father, plural. And it fits my lifestyle. I don’t know that I have the time or the patience, my lifestyle dictates a certain amount of discretion, and it’s just easier not to get too attached to a single broad.

What lifestyle is that my son, that your life would not be improved by the love of a good woman?

Let’s not get too deep here Father, the lifestyle isn’t what bothers me, it’s this love thing. I deal with a lot of unsavory characters, I tend to keep odd hours, I may not be the most…respectable of people. Let’s say this love thing did go somewhere, I’d be worried to meet her parents, I’m not the guy that parents would normally choose for their daughter to bring home.

Are you a criminal of some sort?

Not exactly, I just know a lot of people. I’ve kind of been on the edge of everything. And it is something I’m working on Father, I’ve done some moving around, and I’ve seen a lot of things, and I think I’m ready to become a respectable person, a grown up, if you will Father. But I’m not there yet. I’ve got a decent job, it’s a tough job, but the pay is decent, I live in a respectable place, and I have wonderful friends. I don’t keep in contact with those old friends, the ones that kept me on the edge of things, I’ve found writing Father, it helps for me to have a creative outlet, and I’m even fairly decent at it. But I’m sort of new to this respectable life. I like it, in fact it’s wonderful but its also unfamiliar. And what’s worse, this is the type of girl that a guy dreams about. I’m worried Father, that this is too good of a thing to pass up.

What is it that draws you to her?

Oh man Father, where do I start? She’s beautiful, and that’s initially what caught my eye. She’s a good friend of a good friend, so her references check out, I’ve had problems with dating shady girls in the past, so this is important to me now. Maybe she was too good to start, because all my boys had their eyes on her too. And I deferred, even after I heard that she wanted to get to know me better.

Why?

It’s cliché, but I honestly thought she was out of my league. It was a lot of easier to defer to my boys and let them take their shot.

On the one hand, it was good of you to respect your friends, on the other you come off as cowardly, my son.

Ho! No need to break my balls here Father, I know what I did. It wasn’t easy, but a large part of me was hoping that this girl and one of my friends would hit it off fantastically. Look at it this way, at the time, I didn’t even know her, I had just broken off a fairly unhealthy relationship and what’s more, I like to see my friends happy.

Justify it as you may, but I think if you look inside yourself, you’ll find that you were more scared than anything. Scared of this grown up life you’re trying to create, and how it all fits together. But go on, how do things play out with this girl? And you haven’t really answered my earlier question of what draws you to her.

Interesting. As for what draws me to her, that’s a bit more complicated. I like her because she’s strong, she’s independent with a touch of a stubborn streak. She’s so smart, and she’s done the school to job thing so well. I like her because she’s a professional, but she can still procrastinate. I like her because she likes music, even though it’s definitely different from most of the music I like. I like her because she likes to cuddle, and how her room smells, and how she holds onto me so tightly when she’s asleep. I like her because she likes me back.

This all sounds wonderful my son, where do the troubles come into play? Because unless you have a distorted view of her, it sounds like she likes you, and if she does then she’s going to accept you for who you are. This doesn’t sound like much trouble at all.

That’s just it Father, I don’t know. We have our days where everything seems so wonderful, and then a day later she seems to reject me. She is so busy, and so am I, but in different respects. Sometimes it’s hard to see each other. And it seems like if we can manage to get some quality time together, the next day she makes up for it by rejecting me. Sometimes we hang out in big groups, and she hardly acknowledges me. And then other times when we’re together, she makes me feel like the most special person in the world. It baffles me Father. The uncertainty hurts me. And what’s worse, I don’t usually open myself up to other people, I’m private and independent and stubborn too. I’ve been hurt pretty badly and so it’s a lot easier to keep things to myself, to stay guarded, to not get too close, not let anyone in. As consequence, I’m not used to this sort of thing. Though I don’t know for certain, I suspect she’s been hurt pretty badly too, and it makes her nervous to get close to me.

We are often attracted to those with whom we share common bonds. It seems to me that you like her because you’re the same, but that she also possesses a lot of qualities that you wish to possess yourself. You wish to learn from her.

You make me out to be so selfish Father.

That’s not it at all. You wish to better yourself, so that in turn you can be better for her. You’re trying to be apart of her world, it’s only natural that you would want to fit in.

That’s hardly reassuring. So now what?

Give her time. It sounds like you two have something special going on here. It would be a shame not to put yourself into it, not to give it a fair shot. Wait for her, she’ll figure herself out.

Yea, thanks Father, that’s what she said.

She sounds like a smart woman.